Tag: consciousness

Kurukulla: Goddess of Enchantment, Magnetism and Love

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Kurukulla, an enchanting and dynamic deity in tantric Tibetan Buddhism, holds a unique and multifaceted place in the rich tapestry of Vajrayana traditions. 

As a manifestation of divine feminine energy, Kurukulla embodies the power of transformation, desire, and magnetism, making her a central figure in rituals and meditative practices.

At the heart of Kurukulla’s symbolism is her association with desire. Unlike conventional perceptions that often view desire as an obstacle on the spiritual path, Tibetan tantric traditions recognize its transformative potential. 

Kurukulla’s depiction with a bow and arrow signifies her ability to captivate and direct desire towards spiritual awakening. In this context, desire becomes a force that can propel practitioners beyond mundane attachments and into the realm of higher consciousness.

The vibrant red color that envelops Kurukulla is not merely a visual choice but a symbolic representation of passion and magnetism. Red is the color of life force, the pulsating energy that animates all existence. As practitioners engage with Kurukulla’s imagery, they are invited to embrace their own desires, recognizing them as a natural and potent aspect of their spiritual journey.

In Tibetan iconography, Kurukulla often stands atop a lotus, emphasizing her transcendence over worldly attachments. 

The lotus, with its roots in the mud and blossoms open towards the sun, mirrors the transformative journey from mundane existence to spiritual enlightenment. Kurukulla’s lotus throne serves as a reminder that, like the lotus, practitioners can rise above their circumstances through the alchemy of desire. She reminds us that in order to reach the heights of enlightenment we must first be rooted in the mundane world.

Kurukulla’s role as a magnetizing deity extends beyond personal transformation to encompass the magnetism of wisdom and compassion. Her enchanting presence is believed to draw forth the positive qualities of enlightened beings, amplifying the practitioner’s connection to the divine. Through invoking Kurukulla, practitioners seek to cultivate not only personal transformation but also a magnetic field of compassion and wisdom that can benefit all sentient beings.

In tantric practices, including those dedicated to Kurukulla, the erotic is seen as a potent force for spiritual awakening. Rather than suppressing or denying sexual energy, practitioners are encouraged to harness and transmute it into a tool for transformation. 

The erotic, in this context, becomes a metaphor for the intense, all-encompassing passion that can propel individuals beyond ordinary states of consciousness.

The erotic, in tantric philosophy, is viewed as a sacred expression of the union of wisdom and compassion. The dance of passion becomes a vehicle for experiencing the interconnectedness of all things and dissolving the boundaries between self and other. 

In tantric rituals dedicated to Kurukulla, practitioners may engage in visualizations that involve the union of male and female deities, symbolizing the integration of polarities within the individual psyche. The erotic imagery serves as a catalyst for transcending dualities and experiencing the divine union that lies at the core of enlightenment.

By embracing the erotic as a path to enlightenment, practitioners of Kurukulla’s teachings embark on a journey of profound self-discovery. The alchemical transformation of desire and the skillful integration of the erotic into spiritual practice become powerful tools for breaking through conventional boundaries and realizing the interconnected, non-dual nature of reality.

The path that Kurukulla represents is sometimes associated with the left hand path, as are many aspects of spirituality that are associated with desire or with the feminine.

As a result, some spiritual seekers shy away from Kurukulla and what she represents. I know that this was true for me when I first set out on the spiritual path. I was uncomfortable with many aspects of my self and my environment. I wanted to transcend reality, rather than embrace it.

When I speak of the erotic, I do so in the same way that Audre Lorde did when she said:

“The very word erotic comes from the Greek word eros, the personification of love in all its aspects – born of Chaos, and personifying creative power and harmony. When I speak of the erotic, then, I speak of it as an assertion of the lifeforce of women; of that creative energy empowered, the knowledge and use of which we are now reclaiming in our language, our history, our dancing, our loving, our work, our lives.”

The path of Kurukulla, and of the erotic in general, requires that we acknowledge all that is true on all dimensions of our being. It pulls us toward what is most true and alive within us. 

I believe this is especially true in my experience as a woman. I have had the type of experience that is common for many women, in which we are encouraged to deny what is real for us in order to please or pacify those around us.

“For the erotic is not a question only of what we do; it is a question of how acutely and fully we can feel in the doing. Once we know the extent to which we are capable of feeling that sense of satisfaction and completion, we can then observe which of our various life endeavors bring us closest to that fullness,” Lorde writes.

It is in the fullness of that experience that true enlightenment is to be found. It is in embracing all the elements of our aliveness that we can experience what it truly means to reach the highest experience as a human being. 

The goddess Kurukulla reminds us of this path toward an experience of the divine that we may choose to follow if we are brave enough and willing to do so.

The Four Powers of the Sphinx: Know, Will, Dare & Keep Silent

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Eliphas Levi, born as Alphonse Louis Constant in 1810, was a 19th-century French occultist and influential figure in the development of Western esotericism. Levi is renowned for his works on magic, the Kabbalah, and ceremonial traditions. Widely considered his most important work, “Dogma and Ritual of High Magic”, explored the synthesis of various mystical traditions. 

Eliphas Levi also wrote “Transcendental Magic”, a book that delves into the realms of occultism and mysticism. Published in the mid-19th century, Lévi explores the concept of magic as a transformative and spiritual practice, intertwining elements of Kabbalah, alchemy, and Hermeticism. 

The book articulates Lévi’s vision of a universal and symbolic language underlying all mystical traditions. Central to his philosophy is the idea that the magician, through the understanding of correspondences and the manipulation of symbols, can access higher states of consciousness and divine truths. 

In Transcendental Magic, Levi writes: ““To attain the sanctum regnum, in other words, the knowledge and power of the Magi, there are four indispensable conditions–an intelligence illuminated by study, an intrepidity which nothing can check, a will which cannot be broken, and a prudence which nothing can corrupt and nothing intoxicate. 

TO KNOW, TO DARE, TO WILL, TO KEEP SILENCE–such are the four words of the Magus, inscribed upon the four symbolical forms of the sphinx.”

These four powers are essential to develop not only in the practice of magic, but for any person seeking to be effective in the world. They should be developed and utilized with balanced discernment.

To Know

The first power, “To Know,” represents the pursuit of knowledge and the awakening of the intellect. In Levi’s teachings, this transcends mere accumulation of facts; it is a call to delve into the deeper truths of existence. 

It encourages seekers to explore the mysteries of the universe, understand the self, and grasp the hidden connections that bind all things. To Know is to embark on a lifelong journey of learning, questioning, and expanding the boundaries of consciousness.

In terms of practical magic, we must first know what we want to achieve before we set out to undertake it. “To know” what we want to do, be or achieve is always the crucial first step.

To Will

The second power, “To Will,” emphasizes the transformative force of one’s intentions and desires. Levi suggests that true power lies in aligning one’s will with the divine will, allowing individuals to shape their destinies. 

This concept is not about mere wishful thinking but about the focused and disciplined application of personal energy. 

To Will is to understand the power of intention, recognizing that thoughts and desires possess the ability to shape reality.

We must truly want something in our hearts before we have the capacity to set out to make it a reality.

To Dare

“To Dare,” the third power, embodies courage and the willingness to confront challenges on the path to self-realization. Levi encourages individuals to break free from the constraints of fear and embrace the unknown with confidence.

To Dare is to step beyond the comfort zones, face adversity, and overcome obstacles that obstruct the evolution of the soul. It is a call to action, pushing seekers to manifest their inner potential in the external world.

To Keep Silent

The fourth and final power, “To Keep Silent,” holds a profound significance in the realm of mysticism. Levi advises that not all truths need to be spoken, and there is wisdom in silence. To Keep Silent is to guard the sacred knowledge acquired on the spiritual journey, understanding that some mysteries are meant to be preserved and shared only with those prepared to receive them.

Out of all the powers of the Sphinx, this is the one which many occult practitioners pay the least attention to. I know this was true for myself when I first started, and unfortunately I had to learn the hard way about the the power of keeping silent.

When we share our hopes and our plans with others without discernment, we invite unexpected energies into the equation. The projections of other people are real energies that have impact on our perceptions and our actions.

When we speak without discernment, we can weaken our will and open ourselves to outside influence. This is true not only on a mundane level (in that we may allow ourselves to be dissuaded by other people’s negative opinions), but on a metaphysical or magical level as well. 

That is why it is wise to always use discernment when confiding in others. I had to learn the very hard way that other people do not always want you to succeed.

Now, I am always sure to remember the power and wisdom in using discernment in what I speak and when considering what I share with those around me. It is not enough to know, to will and to dare, but it is also essential to keep silent. 

The Anima and the Animus in Jungian Psychology

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Carl Jung was a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology. Among his contributions to this field was the concept of the anima and animus, which refers to the feminine and masculine aspects of the human psyche, respectively. According to Jung, every person has both an anima and an animus, regardless of their gender. These two archetypes represent the inner world of a person and can affect their behavior and relationships.

Jung believed that the anima and animus have a powerful influence on the psyche, often operating on an unconscious level. The anima represents the feminine qualities within a man’s psyche, while the animus represents the masculine qualities within a woman’s psyche. Each person has their own unique anima or animus, and it can take on a variety of forms depending on the individual’s experiences and personal history.

Jung believed that the anima and animus function as the mediator between the conscious and unconscious mind, helping to bridge the gap between the two. By embracing these inner archetypes, individuals can become more whole and integrated, leading to a greater sense of balance and harmony in their lives.

In men, the anima often appears as a feminine ideal, representing the qualities of tenderness, intuition, and emotion. It can also manifest in the form of a muse, inspiring creativity and artistic expression. Men who are in touch with their anima tend to be more empathetic and compassionate, with a greater understanding of the emotional needs of others.

However, when a man is not in touch with his anima, he may become overly aggressive or detached from his emotions, leading to problems in his relationships with others. He may struggle to connect with his partner emotionally, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness. Conversely, a man who is too in touch with his anima may become overly sensitive and lack the assertiveness needed to maintain healthy boundaries in his relationships.

In women, the animus often appears as a masculine ideal, representing the qualities of assertiveness, logic, and rationality. It can also manifest in the form of a protector, providing strength and support in times of need. Women who are in touch with their animus tend to be more independent and self-assured, with a greater ability to navigate the challenges of life.

However, when a woman is not in touch with her animus, she may become overly passive or dependent on others, leading to a lack of autonomy and self-confidence. She may struggle to assert herself in her relationships, leading to feelings of powerlessness and resentment. Conversely, a woman who is too in touch with her animus may become overly aggressive or domineering, leading to difficulties in her relationships with others.

In relationships, the anima and animus can play a significant role in shaping the dynamics between partners. For example, a man who is in touch with his anima may be more attuned to his partner’s emotional needs, leading to a greater sense of intimacy and connection. Conversely, a man who is disconnected from his anima may struggle to understand his partner’s emotional cues, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Similarly, a woman who is in touch with her animus may be more assertive and confident in her relationships, leading to a greater sense of equality and respect between partners. However, a woman who is overly identified with her animus may become overly aggressive or domineering, leading to power struggles and conflicts with her partner.

In conclusion, Carl Jung’s theory of the anima and animus provides valuable insights into the feminine and masculine aspects of the human psyche and how they operate in relationships. Embracing and integrating these inner archetypes can lead to greater balance and harmony in one’s life and relationships.

However, an imbalance or over-identification with either the anima or animus can lead to difficulties and conflicts. Understanding and working with these archetypes can help individuals navigate their relationships more effectively and cultivate a greater sense of wholeness and self-awareness.

When We Dead Awaken: Part 3

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If I’m ever going to create my future, I’m going to have to come to terms with my past.

I’ve been trying to avoid it, deny it, explain it away, make excuses for it, compensate for it, erase it, and so much more.

I’ve struggled to accept that this is the truth of my life. That this isn’t “just a phase.” It isn’t just going to disappear one day like it never happened.

I think I may have (unconsciously) thought that if I worked hard enough I would be “cured,” I’d become 100% “better”, and it would all be as if nothing had ever happened. That there would be some kind of “redemption” where I would be saved from my own damn self.

In practice what this meant was that I was working toward a model, a “goal” identity, that was completely inappropriate for me.

I wanted so badly to be normal. I would have done anything to not be so “complicated.”

The ideal future self I had in mind was so boring, so basic. So unthreatening. She was some happy, carefree, extraverted, easy going, and very chill girl (that’s why they said they wanted from me, right?).

I thought I could nip and tuck and edit away all of my humanity, become acceptable to the greater mass of society, and call it a success. 

I would know I had “made it” when I was deemed normal by everyone and no one ever said anything bad about me ever again.

That was my vision for health: to completely erase myself, and finally just be what everyone else wanted me to be. 

My vision now is this: I will not deny my past, I will not erase this self. I will not even try to compensate for the suffering I’ve had with some grandiose and misguided attempt to “make it all worth it.”

I will integrate my past. I will honor myself.

I will acknowledge all of the places and the people I have been, regardless of how strange or scary others find them to be.

I will speak to the truth of who I was, and how it was that I became who I am today.

When We Dead Awaken: Part 2

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One of the biggest limiting beliefs that I’ve had is the idea that I should rely on the outer environment to define me.

The idea of defining myself, for myself, has seemed an impossibility for me. 

Maybe the logic was, “I can’t trust myself. My opinion is meaningless, especially when it comes to my own self.”

I felt I could only rely on other people, or on the outside world in general, as an accurate and meaningful measure of my worth.

So I spent my life running around trying to satisfy everybody else’s ideas of who I was supposed to be.

Which was an impossible task–everyone had a different plan for me, and satisfying one would inevitably upset another.

I came to understand that on some level, but I still felt compelled to keep going with it anyway (only now feeling trapped and full of despair).

Every comment, criticism or offhand remark was seized upon and picked apart for clues to my identity.

“Am I in here somewhere?” I wondered as I ruminated on every word.

“Am I okay yet?” was the even more desperate and tragic subtext below it all.

“Am I a worthwhile human being yet? Do I deserve to exist now? How about now? Now??”

—

It breaks my heart to look at this, and admit how I have been.

It truly is sad that I was living like this for so long.

It’s no wonder I was so miserable. Of course. Anyone would be.

I also have compassion for myself. I see exactly how I came to be this way, and I understand.

The abuse within my family was so relentless, severe and specifically targeted to keep me from having any sense of self. 

Especially when younger, it was safer to remain amorphous, to just not have a self, to be mutable enough to quickly contort myself into whatever anyone else demanded. 

The sooner I abandoned myself, the sooner the shame and humiliation would subside. Just give in, agree–it’s much easier that way.

I still remember the words. “Oh, well! Look at you!” and then as an aside to another family member, ”Who does she think she is??”

There were plenty of punishments for when I was bad, but the worst were the humiliations for being “too good.”

Like when my mom would hear all the good reports about me at parent-teacher conferences, she would attack, and accuse, and humiliate me.

She would say say the teacher must be stupid, because you’re fooling her… or, that it was just more evidence of my guilt; I’m lying to this poor woman, trying to fool her into believing I’m something I’m not. 

“If only she knew what you were really like at home–you’re like the devil!”

This created a horrifying double bind by which I had to live: I had to be good, I had to try to be perfect to be acceptable and redeem myself; but I could NOT be good, as it then became proof of my badness, showing how manipulative and deceptive I truly was.

Any action or inaction on my part became proof of my inherent unworthiness. It was all proof of how I was undeserving, bad, a lost cause, the devil. 

I Was Ready to Tell

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I came across a book by Rumi in the afternoon after I went to say goodbye to my grandmother.

I picked it up and opened it right to this page:

It told the story of my last few weeks. Facing not only death in the family, but also personal illness and the fears that came with it.

And not just death, but coming to terms with the purpose of my life. Seeing what I have been through, and knowing what truly matters to me.

I’ve been wanting to speak the truth about myself and my life but I’ve been afraid for so long.

I was ready to tell

the story of my life

but the ripple of my tears

and the agony of my heart

wouldn’t let me”

The past few weeks I’ve been only too conscious of my own mortality and that of others. Seeing this, I started to write. To speak and to share what I’ve held close all these years.

I began to stutter

saying a word here and there

and all along I felt

as tender as a crystal

ready to be shattered”

I’ve had many nightmares, faced many demons, had so many little (ego) deaths along the way.

And now my worst fears (at least for my personal health) have mostly passed. 

Though the panic is gone

I am now offended

why should I be so helpless

rising with one wave

and falling with the next”

But I leave the shadow of death gratefully, because I’ve found there was a message for me there. 

Now how can I be

a skeptic

about the

resurrection and

coming to life again

Since in this world

I have many times

like my own imagination

died and

been born again.”

I feel humbled, grounded, released from burdens no longer necessary. And ready to carry my truth forward into the light.

Mars Retrograde 2020

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Journal Date: November 14, 2020

Mars finally stationed direct yesterday, after spending over two months retrograde.

“Mars is abrasive, courageous, alarming, bold, inciting, aggravating, confident, heated, and action-oriented. When retrograde, Mars makes us review our leadership style, our relationship to our agency, and our ability to carve our way into the world.

The weeks of Mars retrograde offered us lessons on how to turn towards our anger. Fuel for our engines when worked with consciously, rage is a righteous reaction to injustice–it’s just not a place where we can build a home. Tempers teach us what upsets us and why, when our boundaries have been crossed and how, what to demand and when.” –Chani Nicholas

All of this is true. I feel like I have learned more about these various Mars-related themes in the past two months than maybe ever before in my life up until now.

I spent almost all of the Mars retrograde period FURIOUS (and I’m actually not mad about that).

It was time for me to feel it. I was late to the game here. I had a lifetime’s worth of rage I was suppressing, and it was destroying me.

There were a million things that I should have been mad about, but couldn’t even see. I couldn’t allow myself to do so. I wasn’t “allowed” to be mad, ever.

I’m still not “allowed,” but fuck it, I’m going to go ahead and be mad, anyway.

My anger was the missing key. My rightful rage granted me access to everything else. It opened the doors to clear knowing in a way that nothing ever has before.

It’s been uncomfortable as hell, but still, I am grateful for it. I have seen more and grown more in the past two months that I would have imagined was possible for me.

An Introduction to Inner Visions

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About a year ago, I started working with a Reiki healer for the first time, due to some challenges I was experiencing with my health.

White roses bloom

During these sessions, I began having a series of visions that were ultimately instrumental in healing deep-rooted issues (some of them even addressing trauma experienced in past lifetimes.

I wanted to begin sharing these visions with you here. 

First, I’d like to explain what I mean by “vision.”

I’d describe the experience of the visions I’ve had as a kind of altered state of consciousness. The closest thing I can compare it to is simply a dream, but there were some important differences. 

For one, although I was relaxed, I was still fully awake and alert, able to open my eyes and move if I wanted to.

Like in most dreams, I did not have control over the contents of these visions. I experienced them as being “given” to me by something beyond myself (or at least, beyond my conscious, ego self). 

Unlike lucid dreaming, where you can influence the object and events which you’d like to appear in your dream world, I had far less control. 

It was as if all I had was a remote control, where I could slow down, move on to the next scene, and even go deeper into a particular scene or object. The content of what I saw, however, was not up to me to determine.

I had my first session in August of 2020, and my first experience was fairly simple. This was a distance healing, and I later found the in-person sessions to be far more intense.

At the start of the session, I put everything down and lay on my bed in a quiet room, with eyes closed and an intention to be as receptive to the energy as possible.

Not long after, I began to see in the darkness behind closed eyes what appeared to be shifting shades of colored light.  It was more like the emptiness of the dark void was a piece of  black or dark gray paper being painted with light watercolors. 

The blackness remained, but there was a new overtone, a shading that was not present earlier. These colors started out on the violet end of the spectrum down to red, as my healer worked with my energy body from the crown of my head to the root chakra. 

After several more minutes, I started to see more concrete images appear in my field of awareness. I began to sense all the blocked areas within me, places where there was stuck energy, the result of long years of denial and suppressed emotions. 

The stuck areas appeared to me like old, dusty scrolls of parchment covered in illegibly scribbled symbols, written ages ago by the hands of men who never knew me, men who had long since died, men who did not matter.

As I felt light come into contact with the stuck energy, I saw the parchment burst into brilliant orange flames. These flames consumed the paper, devouring the scratches of ink, nullifying all that was ever thought or written by false authorities of times past.

Where once there had been records of false philosophies, now, there was only ashes. From the ashes of this all-consuming fire, I saw the tendrils of vines sprout and grow to cover the charred earth. The vibrant green of these vines soon gave way to the blooming of lavish white roses, bursting with life and vitality, almost overwhelming in their rich aliveness.

I could feel myself being renewed by the cleansing breath of the flames as they coursed through my body. The fresh vitality unfolding in the roses which bloomed within assured me with hope of a new life to come.