Tag: healing

Book Review | Healing Trauma by Peter Levine

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Healing Trauma is a groundbreaking book by Peter Levine that offers a fresh perspective on the treatment of trauma. The author has extensive experience in the field of trauma therapy and has developed a unique approach that combines Eastern wisdom with Western science.

The book begins by exploring the nature of trauma and its effects on the body and mind. Levine argues that trauma is not simply a psychological phenomenon, but a somatic one as well. Trauma is stored in the body, and unless it is released, it can continue to cause physical and emotional pain. He believes that by addressing the body’s response to trauma, we can begin to heal the wounds that have been inflicted.

Levine’s approach is based on his understanding of the body’s natural healing capacity. He believes that trauma can be healed by reconnecting with the body’s innate wisdom and by restoring the body’s natural balance. He explains that trauma disrupts the body’s natural rhythms, and that the key to healing is to restore these rhythms.

One of the most powerful aspects of Levine’s approach is his emphasis on the importance of grounding. He believes that trauma disconnects us from our bodies, and that grounding techniques can help us reconnect. He says, “Rebuilding connection is really the key to all of these exercises, because trauma is about a loss of connection, first to the body and self, and second to others and the environment.” Levine offers a variety of grounding exercises that are designed to help us feel more present in our bodies and to help us feel safe and secure.

Another key element of Levine’s approach is the use of somatic experiencing. This is a technique that helps individuals release the energy that has been trapped in their bodies as a result of trauma. Levine explains that trauma is often accompanied by intense physical sensations, and that these sensations can be released through somatic experiencing.

Levine’s approach is also deeply compassionate. He recognizes the suffering that trauma can cause, and he offers a gentle, compassionate approach to healing. He emphasizes the importance of self-care, and he encourages individuals to take responsibility for their own healing.

Overall, Healing Trauma is a powerful and important book that offers hope and healing to those who have suffered from trauma. Levine’s approach is based on a deep understanding of the body’s natural healing capacity, and his emphasis on grounding and somatic experiencing makes his approach both unique and effective. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has experienced trauma or wants to know more about how to help others who are struggling after a traumatic experience.

Inner Visions | February 4, 2021

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Journal Date: February 4th, 2021

I had another reiki session with Angelic yesterday.

As usual, it was a good experience. I feel like it was very healing.

This time I also had very interesting and intense visions while she was doing the energy healing.

It began as it usually does.

At first, I didn’t see very much at all. 

Then, shifting colors began appearing in my field of inner vision.

After a few more minutes, a more definite image began to emerge.

It took me by surprise.

The first image that appeared was a crocodile. 

It was not what I expected.

But I decided to just stay with it, allow it, follow it and see where it took me.

I followed it down the banks of the Nile River and ended up in Ancient Egypt. I saw the great civilization, and all of the magic that went on there. I could see the great cities, and the temples lit up at night.

And I tried to look for myself, to see if I was there, how I fit into all this.

And with that, I found myself somewhere else.

This time, it was morning, and I was in a garden, somewhere in or near Mexico City.

I was wearing a flowing white knee length dress and gold sandals, and my dog Beso was there with me, with a white and gold collar and leash set.

We walked together along a garden path until we reached an elegant temple in the middle of the tropical garden we were in.

Together, we walked up the stairs and stepped inside.

The inside of this temple was dazzlingly beautiful, and with its high vaulted ceilings and long expanses of glass windows stretching up towards the sky, had the look and feel of a renaissance cathedral.

I walked, with Beso beside me on his leash, down the long aisle towards the beautifully decorated altar.

Once we arrived at the front of the cathedral, I noticed another section of this temple which had caught my attention. I turned to my left and began walking in this direction.

This section of the temple appeared to be a museum, and it was much darker here than the rest of the space, the only light coming from the glass box display cases.

Stepping inside, I realized that this museum was dedicated to me.

Looking closer, I could see, yes, each display case held items or photographs of events from my past. It was arranged chronologically, starting at birth.

My first thought on seeing this was, “Oh no… I can’t go through this again.”

I heard a voice (which would later speak to me at similar critical times) answer, “Yes, you can. You can do this. It’s safe to see what there is to be seen here.”

So I took a step forward, and I continued.

It was difficult to go back through this reliquary containing my past. 

So much suffering was contained within these displays.

But there was beauty, and there were tender moments, some measure of sweetness, and little bit of joy, as well.

As I walked, there were moments that overwhelmed me, and I felt that I could not go on.

But as before, a voice from beyond encouraged me. “Keep going. You can. There is nothing for you to fear within these walls.”

So I did.

I walked and I looked and I took the time to feel for everything that came up.

I cried, very often. So many tears had to be shed.

But this time, they were tears of compassion, sympathy and love, filled with sadness for the girl and the woman I’d once been (rather than of shame and bitterness, as they had often come before).

I won’t spend much time now on the specifics of what I saw there–it’s nothing new, nothing I haven’t known about or written extensively on before by now.

What is important here is the journey I made through this memorial of my self, and how I felt and reacted to what was there.

After maybe 20 minutes in this process, I finally made it to the last display case, to the present moment and the end of the museum.

When I had arrived at the end of the final exhibit, all of a sudden the dark wing of the temple containing this museum lit up, and was now brightly lit with hundreds of candles and torches illuminating the beautifully decorated walls.

And now I could see up to the ceiling of this cathedral, where uncovered windows showed the brilliant, burning stars shining down into my corner of the cosmos.

It was very late, maybe 4 or 5am – an entire night had passed during my descent into my own personal underworld.

It felt like a signal that my descent was over. And I felt I was being honored with this beautiful display for having made it through.

I knew that soon, the sun would be rising outside, and that my time in this temple of the past was near its end. I felt I was being asked, “Do you have anything you would like to say before you leave here?”

And before I could think twice, I heard myself answer, “Thank you.”

And then immediately, another part of me responded with something like, “Really?? Thank you? Are you kidding me?”

“Well, yeah…” I shyly responded. Then, a little more surely, “I guess I am grateful – it got me here, didn’t it? It made me who I am. And I’m proud of that.”

Though I was still tearful as I lay there on the table in Angelic’s office (the “real,” physical me) had to smile a little: it was true. I was grateful. And yes, I was proud. I had made it. I had made it through to the other side of all that.

And though it seemed enough to simply have survived, what’s more, I knew that one day, I would say that I had triumphed.

At that point, I looked down at my wrist, and I saw some markings appear there.

They were the two tattoos that I have wanted to get, the infinity symbol on my left wrist, and a small black skull on my right, both drawn in the style of the Smith-Waite tarot.

And I remembered what I had recently heard Clarissa Pinkola Estés say about the scars that people like me carried:

“It’s never going to look like you never suffered. Although I say, be proud of your scars. It has everything to do with your strength and what you’ve endured. It’s a map, so to speak, a treasure map to the self, the deepest self.”

And then I heard a voice say, “You have nothing to be ashamed of anymore. You can leave all of that behind. It was never truly yours to carry in the first place.”

I acknowledged this was true. This is a major part of what the inner work of the last year has shown me: most of the shame I carried came from things which had been done to me, not by me. 

I carried the shame of my abusers, of my attackers, and those who had committed crimes against me.

I carried the burden of guilt that properly belong to the men who had raped, assaulted or used me, the mother who hated me, the father who had refused to protect me from harm. 

I had created this structure of lies about myself and my life, all resting upon this false foundation: “It’s because you deserved it. If you had simply been better, they wouldn’t have ‘had’ to…”

Well, now I know better. Now I knew that the failings were not mine. I did not bear the responsibility, and I could not account for these sins of theirs.

The voice spoke again.

“There is nothing to fear here. You don’t have to be afraid any longer. You may return whenever you want to, and you will find only peace here.”

And with that, I was ready.

With little Beso next to me, I stepped outside the temple door into the early morning light.

The sun had not come fully over the horizon yet, but the sky was becoming lighter with each passing second.

Beso and I walked down the rear temple stairs, both of us now dressed in new clothes: he was in an adorable little white doggie tuxedo with a gold leash, while I now stood in a flowing floor length chiffon gown with a light white cape, all with gold details, as well as a golden necklace decorated with pearls, and similarly made matching earrings.

After walking down the stars, we stepped onto a garden path that first led to a fountain filled with flowing water.

I walked to it, and dipped my hands into the running water and brought it to my face, and with a white towel, cleansed myself before continuing down the garden trail.

It was here that I stepped onto what was now a grass-covered path with my bare feet. The sun was shining down on the earth, and the grass felt both warmed by the sun while retaining a certain earthy coolness belonging to the morning.

From there on, I walked barefoot on the grass with little Beso by my side until I reached a throne, also gold and ivory and decorated with pearls to match the clothes I was already wearing.

I sat down, and it was here that my gold and white crown appeared on my head.

I had made it.

I was now sovereign, ruler of my own kingdom.

I had learned how to belong to myself, discovered my own agency, and the right and ability to make decisions that would serve me and all that I oversaw.

Once I had been crowned and was comfortably seated on my throne, people began to arrive.

They were all dressed mostly in white, along with the addition of one bright primary color as an accessory (like a royal blue belt or a red scarf).

When all of the guests had arrived for the celebration we were to have, it made for a very vibrantly colorful and energetic garden party.

As they arrived, the guests spoke to me.

They welcome me to my kingdom.

They told me, “You made it.”

“We’ve been waiting for you.”

“We’re so glad you’re finally here.”

They were all so happy to see me.

And it turns out they had expected me, had wanted to spend time with me, had been waiting just for me.

So when everyone arrived, we had our celebration.

It was a very peaceful, calm and relaxed garden lunch. We sat at a table set in the grass, covered in white linen with gold place settings, and ate healthy fruit and salads, drinking only water, juice and green tea.

The conversation lasted long into the afternoon, and nothing very much in particular happened. We just laughed and smiled and talked and enjoyed each other’s company.

Around this point, I left the perspective of being in my own body within the vision, and the scene seemed to zoom out until I could see the entire globe, spinning slowly in the void of space. 

As it spun, day shifted into night and then again to day and back again, and the people continued on, with no interruption to the rhythm of their peaceful daily happenings. All was calm, all continued with grace, and a gentle and reassuring order prevailed.

I saw myself again (this time, in a new change of clothes–a white button down shirt and pants) go on to interact with new people, and take on the role of a healer and helper.

And this, too, like day and night, alternated in a graceful rhythm, becoming part of the pattern of a new life of purpose and contentment.

Marion Woodman & the Embodied, Conscious Feminine

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Marion Woodman (1928-2018) was a renowned Canadian Jungian analyst, author, and lecturer who dedicated her life to exploring the relationship between the body, psyche, and spirit. She is best known for her pioneering work in the field of feminine psychology and the embodiment of the soul.

Born in London, Ontario in 1928, Marion Woodman grew up in a strict Presbyterian family. Her childhood was marked by a sense of spiritual longing and a desire to understand the mysteries of the universe. She pursued this interest through the study of literature and mythology, earning a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Western Ontario in 1949.

Over the course of her career, Woodman became increasingly interested in the relationship between the body and the psyche. She believed that our bodies hold a wealth of wisdom and that by listening to the signals of the body, we can gain access to our deepest truths. She developed a form of therapy that uses movement, breath, and other embodied practices to help clients connect with their inner selves.

Woodman’s work was deeply informed by her own struggles with anorexia, which she battled throughout her life. She believed that her eating disorder was a manifestation of a deeper spiritual crisis, and that by working with the body, she could access the spiritual realm and find healing.

Woodman’s work on feminine psychology has had a profound impact on the field of psychology, and her insights into the ways in which the feminine has been repressed and suppressed in Western culture have helped to open up new avenues for healing and transformation.

One of Woodman’s most influential books on feminine psychology is “Addiction to Perfection,” which explores the ways in which women in particular have been socialized to strive for perfection at the expense of their own health and well-being. Woodman argues that this addiction to perfection is a form of self-destructive behavior that is rooted in a disconnection from the body and from the feminine. She believes that we have been conditioned to believe that our bodies are flawed, imperfect, and unworthy of love, and have been taught to value ourselves based on external criteria such as beauty, success, and achievement, rather than on the deeper qualities of the soul.

In “The Pregnant Virgin,” Woodman explores the archetype of the Virgin Mary as a symbol of the feminine in Western culture. She argues that Mary represents a kind of split between the body and the spirit, and that this split has led to a profound sense of disconnection from the body and from the earth. Woodman suggests that the repression of the feminine has created a deep wound in the collective psyche, and that this wound must be healed if we are to find wholeness and integration. She believes that the suppression of the feminine has led to a profound sense of disconnection from the body, from the earth, and from our own souls.

Another key aspect of Woodman’s work on feminine psychology is her focus on the body and the ways in which it holds wisdom and healing. She believed that the body is a source of intuitive knowledge, and that by listening to the signals of the body, we can gain access to our deepest truths. In her book “Dancing in the Flames,” Woodman writes about the importance of embodiment and the ways in which movement and dance can help us to connect with the body and access its wisdom.

Woodman’s work on feminine psychology has also had a profound impact on the field of addiction treatment. In her book “The Ravaged Bridegroom,” she explores the connection between addiction and the suppression of the feminine. She argues that addiction is a form of self-destructive behavior that is rooted in a disconnection from the body and from the feminine. For Woodman, addiction is a symptom of a deeper wound in the psyche, a wound that is created by the suppression of the feminine, and that to heal addiction, we must learn to reconnect with the body and with the feminine.

Throughout her career, Woodman was also a passionate advocate for women’s rights and a pioneer in the field of feminine spirituality. She believed that by reclaiming the feminine, both men and women could find greater wholeness and healing, and she worked tirelessly to promote this message throughout her life. Her insights into the ways in which the feminine has been repressed and suppressed in Western culture have helped to open up new avenues for healing and transformation, and her message of wholeness and integration remains as relevant today as it was during her lifetime.

Inner Beso Dream

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Journal Date: February 2, 2021

At the end of the collection of short stories in Warming the Stone Child, Clarissa Pinkola Estés offers a couple tips for continuing the healing journey on your own.

The first one is this: “Pay attention to your dreams. Your dreams will tell you everything. In terms of injured instinct, dreams that are about animals that are injured or not acting properly are very good clues to what is hurt or what is injured in the deep unconscious.”

It’s funny, because just days before I heard this in this book, I had a very intense dream which fits what Estés is describing here perfectly.

From what I can remember, I had been struggling inside of this dream for a while before the parts that I became more directly conscious of occurred.

I remember that in this dream, I had been at a party for quite some time, feeling more and more frustrated as it went on.

Both my best friend and my ex-boyfriend were there. In this dream, we were still dating, but I could tell that he was losing interest, and not wanting to be with me.

Then my best friend showed up, and somehow it became known that she intended to sleep with him.

I tried to convince her not to do that, but apparently I didn’t do a very good job, because that’s exactly what happened next.

And in the dream, I just could not get over it.

I held on to that so tightly, with so much resentment and bitterness. I just couldn’t let it go. I told everyone I met. It was the only thing I wanted to talk about in my dream, really.

It just went on and on like that, endlessly, without reprieve.

It was like I had to convince anybody who would come near me how wrong it was. How it was something which could never be forgiven, which I had to hold onto forever.

This went on for a frustratingly long amount of time.

Until suddenly, I found that I was no longer at the party, but back on the streets of Whittier, making my way back towards my childhood home on Friends Ave.

And I had a little baby Beso in a wrinkled up, used and old plastic bag inside of my black backpack, just like the one I had in middle school.

Baby Beso was very sick.

I had fed him something toxic without knowing it was poisonous to him.

And so now I was trying to make my way back to this house, thinking that it was here that I would be able to take Beso out of the old bag in the backpack. 

I knew that he was suffering in there, it was dark and poorly ventilated, and I could only rarely look inside to check on him and see if he was even still alive.

And on top of this, I kept getting distracted, caught up again and again in telling everyone I encountered what a victim I was, and how I would never forgive them for what they had done to me.

This went on until I found myself on a street near Uptown Whittier, one which was on the other side of the alley where I had often walked through on my way to another friend’s house.

I took one last look inside of my backpack to check on baby Beso–and he was not doing well.

His eyes were red, deeply irritated all around the edges, and it was clear that he was suffering, struggling and very much in pain.

I was worried that he may not make it all the way to my mother’s house.

But I was convinced, for some reason, that there was nothing I could do until I reached this place, so I put him in my backpack again, and kept on walking.

And then I woke up.

I thought about that dream quite a bit that day. Clearly, there seemed to be a significant connection between what went on in my dream and in my world.

I remembered how my therapist has started calling the part of me that still needs mothering, the child within that requires loving attention and care, my “Inner Beso.”

I think it’s because I talk about my dog all the time, and how much I love being his “mom,” and how much I’ve learned from caring for him. I think he keeps saying that to encourage me to do the same for myself, to transfer my Beso-mothering skills into inner child, self-mothering skills.

What I got from analyzing my dream was this:

Maybe the bitterness and resentment I’ve been feeling towards my family aren’t serving a purpose anymore.

Maybe they are poisonous, maybe they are the toxic food that I have unknowingly been feeding my “inner Beso.”

And maybe I’m just going in the wrong direction entirely.

Why go revisit that old place in Whittier? 

Why go “home”?

There was nothing nourishing in that place to begin with. To keep returning there no longer makes any sense to me.

Maybe it’s just a distraction, a dangerous lie putting my inner child at further risk of being harmed.

Maybe the thing to do is attend to my “inner Beso” now, right where I’m at, as imperfect as that may be.

And please, take him out of that dirty old bag in your backpack immediately!

There is no reason to hide him away anymore.

All of this is to say, I need to turn and start heading in the other direction now.

This return to the childhood home, the return to the past, has served its purpose and outlived its usefulness. 

I’ve learned what I came to learn. Now is the time to move beyond it.

And I don’t need to wait to start caring for myself. I can start feeding my “inner Beso” healthy, nourishing food. 

I can give myself experiences that fill me up and nourish my soul.

I don’t have to wait anymore.

The Quintessence | The Fifth Element in Alchemy

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The four classical elements, Earth, Water, Air, and Fire, were believed to make up everything in the physical world. However, alchemists believed that there must be another element beyond these four, an element that would be the key to understanding the secrets of the universe.

The quintessence, also known as aether, was the fifth element that alchemists believed existed. It was believed to be a pure, rarefied substance that permeated all of creation and was the substance that bound the other four elements together. The quintessence was thought to be the most important of all the elements, as it was the substance that gave everything in the universe its essence and allowed for transmutations and transformations to occur.

Alchemists believed that the quintessence was the substance that allowed for the transmutation of base metals into gold, the creation of the elixir of life, and the achievement of immortality. They believed that the quintessence was the key to understanding the nature of the universe and the workings of the divine.

The quintessence was also associated with the concept of the philosopher’s stone, a mythical substance that was believed to have the power to transform base metals into gold and grant eternal life. Alchemists believed that the philosopher’s stone was made from the quintessence and was the ultimate goal of their work.

In addition to its role in alchemy, the concept of the quintessence has also played a role in other areas of philosophy and science. The ancient Greeks believed in the existence of the quintessence, which they called aether, as a substance that filled the heavens and allowed for the movement of the celestial bodies. In modern physics, the concept of quintessence refers to a hypothetical form of dark energy that is thought to be responsible for the accelerating expansion of the universe.

The word quintessence comes from the Latin words quinta essentia, meaning “fifth essence.” It was also known as the ether or the fifth element. The quintessence was believed to be a pure and divine substance that permeated everything and was the source of all life. It was seen as the bridge between the physical and the spiritual realms and was considered the key to spiritual transformation.

Alchemy considered the quintessence to be the highest and most refined form of matter, surpassing even gold. It was believed to be invisible and weightless, yet it possessed great power and potential. Alchemists sought to find ways to extract and purify the quintessence as one of the keys to their work.

In a world that often values materialism and practicality over mysticism and spirituality, the concept of the quintessence reminds us that there is more to life than what we can see and touch. It encourages us to seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us and to connect with the divine essence that resides within all of us.

The fifth element serves as a reminder that there is more to life than what meets the eye and encourages us to seek a deeper connection with ourselves and the universe.

Book Review | Complex PTSD by Pete Walker

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Complex PTSD, written by Pete Walker, is a book that is aimed at providing a deeper understanding of trauma and its effects on the psyche. This book goes into detail on the topic of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, a subtype of PTSD that arises from prolonged exposure to traumatic experiences. In this book review, we will analyze how the author’s use of case studies helps readers understand the complexities of trauma and the strategies that can be used to overcome its lasting effects. Additionally, we will explore how the book emphasizes the potential for healing and provides tools for managing emotional flashbacks.

Part I: Understanding Complex PTSD

The first part of the book provides an overview of complex PTSD and its symptoms. The author discusses how trauma can affect a person’s mental health and emotional wellbeing, leading to anxiety, depression, and a range of physical symptoms. In this section, the author highlights the symptoms of complex PTSD, which are different from those of regular PTSD.

For example, emotional flashbacks are a hallmark symptom of complex PTSD, and they can be triggered by seemingly innocuous events. The author shares a case study of a client who experienced intense feelings of fear and anxiety whenever she saw a man with a beard. This was because her abuser had a beard, and the sight of a bearded man triggered an emotional flashback. By sharing this case study, the author helps readers understand the complexities of emotional flashbacks and how they can be triggered by seemingly minor events.

Part II: The Roots of Complex PTSD

In the second part of the book, the author delves into the roots of complex PTSD and how it develops. The author explains that complex PTSD often arises from prolonged exposure to trauma, particularly in childhood. The author highlights the various forms of childhood trauma that can lead to complex PTSD, such as physical and sexual abuse, neglect, and emotional abuse.

The author shares a case study of a woman who experienced emotional abuse as a child. The woman’s mother was constantly critical of her, telling her she was worthless and would never amount to anything. As a result, the woman developed a deep sense of shame and self-loathing that persisted into adulthood. By sharing this case study, the author helps readers understand how childhood trauma can have lasting effects on a person’s mental health and emotional wellbeing.

Part III: Healing from Complex PTSD

The third part of the book focuses on healing from complex PTSD. The author emphasizes the potential for healing and provides a range of strategies and techniques for overcoming the lasting effects of trauma. 

The author provides an in-depth discussion of emotional flashbacks and how they can be managed. The author emphasizes that emotional flashbacks are not memories of past events, but rather intense emotional states that are triggered by present-day situations that resemble past traumas. The author provides tools for managing emotional flashbacks, such as grounding techniques, self-compassion, and mindfulness.

The author shares a case study of a client who experienced intense feelings of shame and self-blame whenever she made a mistake. These feelings were triggered by past experiences of being punished for making mistakes. The client learned to recognize when she was experiencing an emotional flashback and used grounding techniques to bring herself back to the present moment. In sharing this case study, the author helps readers understand how emotional flashbacks can be managed and overcome.

One of the most important tools for managing emotional flashbacks is the “flashback management toolbox.” This toolbox includes a variety of techniques that can help trauma survivors recognize and manage their emotional flashbacks, including:

  • Grounding techniques: These techniques involve using the five senses to anchor oneself in the present moment. For example, a person might focus on the sensation of their feet on the ground, the sound of their breathing, or the feeling of a cool breeze on their skin.
  • Self-compassion: When experiencing emotional flashbacks, trauma survivors can be extremely hard on themselves, blaming themselves for their feelings or believing that they are weak. Self-compassion involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, recognizing that emotional flashbacks are a normal and understandable response to trauma.
  • Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques involve cultivating awareness of one’s thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations without judgment. By practicing mindfulness, trauma survivors can learn to observe their emotional flashbacks without getting lost in them.
  • Inner child work: Inner child work involves connecting with the wounded child within oneself and providing that child with the love, support, and nurturing that they may have missed out on in childhood. By connecting with the inner child, trauma survivors can begin to heal the wounds of the past and build a stronger sense of self.

I especially recommend reviewing Walker’s 13 Steps for Managing Flashbacks, which have personally been an invaluable resource when it comes to recognizing and managing my own triggers and flashbacks.

In conclusion, Complex PTSD by Pete Walker is a remarkable book that provides a deep understanding of the impact of trauma on individuals, particularly in the form of complex post-traumatic stress disorder. The author’s compassionate and insightful approach to complex PTSD offers practical tools and resources to help people overcome the effects of trauma and live a more fulfilling life.

One of the book’s essential messages is that healing from trauma is possible. By understanding the origins of complex PTSD and using the right tools and support, we can learn to manage their symptoms effectively and reclaim our lives. The author’s emphasis on self-care, self-compassion, and mindfulness in the healing process is particularly powerful, as it highlights the importance of treating oneself with kindness and compassion, which can be challenging for trauma survivors.

Overall, Complex PTSD is a must-read for anyone who has experienced trauma or works with trauma survivors. The book provides hope and practical strategies for individuals struggling with the effects of trauma, emphasizing that healing is possible and within reach. The author’s message of resilience and potential for personal healing is truly inspiring and can serve as a beacon of hope for anyone who has suffered the effects of trauma. 

Reading this book has been one of the most important factors in my own personal healing journey of recovery from Complex PTSD. I recommend it to anyone who faces similar challenges. It is my hope that it will help many others the way it has helped me.

Book Review | Mothers Who Can’t Love by Susan Forward

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“Mothers Who Can’t Love” by Susan Forward is a comprehensive exploration of the complex and often painful relationship between mothers and daughters. The book delves into the psychological dynamics at play when mothers struggle to love their daughters, providing a deep understanding of the various types of maternal neglect, abuse, and emotional unavailability that can impact a child’s emotional and psychological well-being.

Throughout the book, Forward draws on her years of experience as a therapist to offer a nuanced and compassionate understanding of the different types of mothers who struggle to love their daughters. These include controlling, dismissive, narcissistic, and emotionally absent mothers, among others. She provides a clear and well-organized framework for understanding these different types of mothers, and the ways in which they impact their daughters’ lives.

The book is divided into three parts. The first part lays out the different types of unloving mothers, such as the narcissistic mother, the overly controlling mother, the mentally ill mother, and the addicted mother, and their impact on the child’s psyche. The author skillfully uses real-life stories of her clients to illustrate each type of mother, making the book relatable and accessible to readers who may have experienced similar situations.

The second part delves deeper into the various emotional wounds that an unloving mother can inflict on her child. The author explains how the child may feel invisible, unworthy, or constantly seeking validation due to the mother’s neglect or emotional manipulation. She also describes how a daughter may develop a fear of intimacy or a sense of shame about her body or sexuality due to her mother’s attitudes towards sex and relationships.

The third part of the book provides practical advice on how to heal from the wounds of an unloving mother. The author offers specific exercises and strategies for readers to work through their pain and reclaim their lives. She emphasizes the importance of self-care, self-compassion, and setting healthy boundaries in relationships.

One of the most compelling aspects of the book is the case studies that Forward includes. These stories are poignant and often heart-wrenching, but they also serve to illustrate the broader themes and concepts that Forward explores. Each case study is carefully crafted and sensitively presented, and readers are likely to find that they can relate to many of the experiences described. The case studies help readers to better understand how these dynamics can play out in real-life situations and provide valuable insight into how to recognize and heal from these experiences.

Another strength of the book is the practical guidance and advice that Forward offers. She provides exercises and strategies for setting boundaries, healing emotional wounds, and learning to love oneself. This is an invaluable resource for anyone who has struggled with a difficult or absent mother, and the exercises are easy to follow and implement.

One of the key takeaways from “Mothers Who Can’t Love” is the importance of self-compassion and self-care. The book highlights the many ways in which daughters of unloving mothers may internalize negative beliefs about themselves and their worth, and offers practical guidance on how to break free from these patterns of thought and behavior. By providing a roadmap for healing, Forward empowers readers to take control of their own lives and relationships, and to create a more positive and fulfilling future for themselves.

What sets “Mothers Who Can’t Love” apart from other self-help books is the author’s deep understanding of the complexities of mother-daughter relationships. She acknowledges that not all mothers are capable of love and that the child’s pain is real and valid. The author also highlights the societal pressures that reinforce the myth of the perfect mother and the shame and guilt that daughters may feel for not having a loving relationship with their mother.

Overall, “Mothers Who Can’t Love” is a must-read book for anyone who has struggled with the pain of an unloving mother or for those who want to understand the impact of maternal neglect or abuse on a child’s development. The author’s insights and strategies for healing offer hope and inspiration to readers who may feel stuck in their pain.

Disorganized Attachment

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Attachment theory proposes that the quality of the relationship between a child and their primary caregiver sets the foundation for the individual’s future social and emotional development. A secure attachment style, characterized by a sense of safety, trust, and confidence in relationships, is linked to positive outcomes, such as higher levels of self-esteem, better coping skills, and healthier relationships.

However, when caregivers are inconsistent, unpredictable, or emotionally unavailable, a child may develop an insecure attachment style, leading to difficulties in adulthood. One of the most difficult of these insecure attachment styles is the disorganized attachment style, which can have severe consequences for adult behavior in relationships.

Disorganized attachment develops when a child experiences both the desire for closeness and the fear of the caregiver simultaneously. In other words, the caregiver becomes a source of both comfort and fear, leading to confusion and disorientation in the child. The child may express this conflict by displaying contradictory behaviors, such as seeking proximity to the caregiver while at the same time avoiding or pushing them away. Disorganized attachment arises from trauma, neglect, or abuse, and is often associated with the parent’s own unresolved emotional issues or trauma.

In adulthood, disorganized attachment may manifest in various ways that can negatively affect the quality of intimate relationships. Adults with disorganized attachment may have difficulty regulating their emotions, leading to impulsive behavior, poor impulse control, and mood swings. They may also struggle to communicate their emotions and needs effectively, leading to misunderstandings and conflict in their relationships. Moreover, people with a disorganized attachment style may have a negative view of themselves and struggle with low self-esteem, leading to feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection in relationships.

People with disorganized attachment may also struggle with intimacy and trust. They may have a hard time forming close relationships and may be suspicious or fearful of others’ motives. They may also struggle with vulnerability, as they may associate it with danger or rejection. This can lead to avoidance of intimacy or engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors that push away potential partners.

In addition, disorganized attachment is associated with a higher risk of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These mental health issues can further interfere with the individual’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. Moreover, people with disorganized attachment may have a higher risk of substance abuse, eating disorders, and other addictive behaviors as a way to cope with their emotional distress.

Book Review | It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn

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“It Didn’t Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle” by Mark Wolynn is a powerful and insightful exploration of the impact of intergenerational trauma on individuals and families. The book offers a fresh perspective on how our ancestors’ experiences and traumas can shape our lives today, and provides practical tools for healing and breaking the cycle of inherited trauma.

Wolynn begins the book by sharing his own personal journey of discovery and healing from his family’s trauma, which ultimately led him to become a leading expert in the field of inherited family trauma. He explains the science behind how trauma can be passed down through generations, including the concept of epigenetics, which suggests that trauma can become “imprinted” on our DNA.

One of the central themes of the book is the idea that we are all connected to our ancestors and that their experiences and traumas can influence our lives today. Wolynn explains how this can manifest in a variety of ways, including chronic physical and emotional issues, relationship patterns, financial struggles, and self-destructive behaviors. He provides numerous real-life examples of individuals who have struggled with these issues and how they were able to identify and heal from the underlying trauma.

One of the most powerful aspects of the book is Wolynn’s emphasis on the importance of acknowledging and honoring our ancestors’ experiences and traumas. He argues that by recognizing and owning the experiences of our ancestors, we can begin to heal ourselves and break the cycle of inherited trauma. He encourages readers to explore their family history and to connect with their ancestors in a meaningful way, through practices such as guided meditations, journaling, and visualization exercises.

Wolynn also provides practical tools and exercises for readers to identify and heal from their own inherited family trauma. He includes guided meditations and journal prompts, as well as visualization exercises to help readers connect with their ancestors and release trauma from their bodies. Additionally, he provides resources for finding professional support and guidance, such as therapists and trauma healers who specialize in intergenerational trauma.

The book is divided into three parts, each of which delves deeper into the concept of intergenerational trauma and offers practical tools for healing. Part One focuses on understanding the science behind intergenerational trauma and how it can manifest in our lives. Part Two explores the impact of trauma on different aspects of our lives, including our physical health, relationships, and financial well-being. Part Three provides practical tools and exercises for identifying and healing from inherited family trauma.

Here are three examples from the book of how inherited family trauma can manifest in our lives:

  1. Chronic health issues: Wolynn shares the story of a woman named Maria who had struggled with chronic migraines for years. Through exploring her family history, she discovered that her grandfather had been imprisoned and tortured during a war in their home country. Wolynn explains how the trauma of her grandfather’s experience had been passed down through the generations, and how it was manifesting in Maria’s physical health. By acknowledging and honoring her grandfather’s experience and releasing the trauma from her body through visualization exercises, Maria was able to significantly reduce the frequency and intensity of her migraines.
  2. Relationship patterns: Wolynn describes how individuals can unknowingly repeat the relationship patterns of their ancestors, often based on unresolved trauma. He shares the story of a man named Peter who had a pattern of attracting partners who were emotionally unavailable. Through exploring his family history, Peter discovered that his great-grandmother had been abandoned by her husband during a war and had struggled to raise her children alone. Wolynn explains how this trauma had been passed down through the generations and how it was manifesting in Peter’s relationship patterns. By acknowledging and honoring his great-grandmother’s experience and working through his own feelings of abandonment, Peter was able to break the cycle of inherited trauma and attract healthier relationships.
  3. Financial struggles: Wolynn explores how inherited family trauma can manifest in financial struggles, often due to beliefs and patterns passed down through generations. He shares the story of a woman named Sarah who had struggled with debt and financial insecurity for years. Through exploring her family history, Sarah discovered that her grandfather had lost everything during the Great Depression and had struggled to provide for his family. Wolynn explains how this trauma had been passed down through the generations and how it was manifesting in Sarah’s financial struggles. By acknowledging and honoring her grandfather’s experience and releasing the trauma from her body through visualization exercises, Sarah was able to shift her beliefs and patterns around money and create a more secure financial future for herself.

Overall, “It Didn’t Start With You” is a must-read for anyone interested in understanding the impact of intergenerational trauma on individuals and families. Wolynn’s compassionate and insightful approach to this complex topic makes the book accessible and empowering for readers at any level of experience. Whether you are struggling with chronic issues or simply seeking to understand your family history, this book provides a roadmap for healing and breaking the cycle of inherited trauma.

The Ouroboros

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The ouroboros is an ancient symbol that has been used throughout history in various cultures, including ancient Egypt, Greece, and Rome. It is a symbol of a serpent or dragon eating its own tail, forming a complete circle. In alchemy, the ouroboros is considered a symbol of unity, wholeness, and the cyclical nature of life and death.

Carl Jung, a prominent Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, explored the symbol of the ouroboros in his theories on alchemy. According to Jung, alchemy is not only a precursor to modern chemistry but also a spiritual and psychological practice. Jung believed that the alchemical process was a metaphor for the journey of self-discovery and the integration of the unconscious and conscious mind.

The ouroboros, for Jung, represents the paradoxical nature of the self. The snake eating its own tail represents the idea that the self contains both the beginning and the end, the past and the future, and the light and the dark. The ouroboros is a symbol of the eternal cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

In alchemy, the ouroboros is also associated with the concept of the Philosopher’s Stone. The Philosopher’s Stone is a substance that alchemists believed had the power to transform base metals into gold, and also had the power to grant immortality. Jung believed that the Philosopher’s Stone was a symbol of the self, and that the alchemical process was a means of achieving individuation, or the realization of the self.

The ouroboros is also a symbol of the union of opposites. Jung believed that the self was composed of both masculine and feminine elements, and that the process of individuation required the integration of these elements. The ouroboros represents the idea that the self contains both the light and the dark, the conscious and the unconscious, the masculine and the feminine.

The ouroboros is a powerful symbol in alchemy that represents the cyclical nature of life and the paradoxical nature of the self. The ouroboros is a symbol that continues to fascinate and inspire people today, and its message of unity and wholeness remains relevant in our modern world.