In Search of Lost Time

I forget exactly what prompted my first inquiry into my past lives, but I think I was reading something about energy healing and how some of the traumas of a past life may carry over into the next one.

I was skeptical, but curious, and I remember thinking, “Hm… If I’d had a past life like this, I wonder what it would have been like?”

And immediately, an image flashed into my awareness.

I saw “past me,” at the moment when I knew I would not be able to escape and where I knew I was going to die.

The woman I saw looked kind of similar to the way I do now, but there were some subtle differences.

She had black hair, blue eyes, an attractive face. She was shorter than I am, had a fuller body type, and was wearing an expensive looking dress, which seemed to be in a late medieval/early renaissance style. I had the feeling that I was deeply involved in spiritual or religious life or was somehow involved with the church.

In the brief image that I had access to then, I saw myself underground, in a dimly lit stone tunnel or passageway.

I was running from people who wanted to trap me and hurt me. I tried to see more into the reasons why. All I got was the feeling that it was motivated by hatred, by envy or jealousy. There seemed to be people who were upset at how well-liked I was, or how “good” I may have appeared in the eyes of others, or even my success or esteem in a certain area.

There was also a man involved who seemed to be older than me, but I couldn’t really determine what his role was or the nature of his relationship to me. I just knew he had something to do with the situation I found myself in at the moment I saw myself in that brief vision.

I wasn’t able to see any more then, but very soon after, I had an intuition that this was related to a couple of things corresponding to my natal chart.

The first was the three planets I have in the twelfth house: Mercury, Venus and Jupiter. This may be why I have felt compelled to hide so much of what I feel are the good things about myself. 

This could very well be where my shyness and insecurity around my intelligence (Mercury), issues surrounding my perceived beauty and value and shame about being a woman (Venus), and my lack of belief in a right to expand, grow, take up space and achieve success (Jupiter) come from. 

The last thing that appeared related to this scene was my placement of Saturn on the Descendent/7th house cusp.

This can mean restrictions in how you relate to or access the outside world, as well as how you interact with and have relationships with others.

I’m not sure exactly how this past life influenced these placements in my chart, but I very much had the feeling that the two were connected.

III. The Empress

The Empress

Keywords for the Empress


In the image on the card, we see a beautiful woman seated on her throne, a stone bench covered in lush cushions and beautiful fabrics. The Empress wears a white dress covered in red pomegranates, indicating her association with the great goddesses of the ancient world, such as Isis, Astarte, Demeter and her daughter Persephone. 

In her right hand, she holds a short scepter, which appears very similar to a sistrum, the sacred instrument of Isis, Hathor, and other goddesses of Ancient Egypt. On her head, she wears a crown of twelve stars, each representing one of the twelve signs of the zodiac.

At the bottom of her stone bench, we see the shield of the Empress. This shield bears the shape of a heart, a reference to our emotional nature. On this heart is engraved the glyph for Venus, goddess of love, romance, beauty and passion. 

A river flows from behind the Empress down underneath the ground at her feet. This water of this river has its source in the flowing robes of the High Priestess, which tells us that the root matter of subconsciousness is the life energy animating all life, including the physical manifestation of the Empress. 

Directly in front of the Empress grows a field of wheat, which is yet another reference to the fertility goddesses of the ancient world (especially the Greek Demeter). Along with the pomegranates embroidered on her gown, the cypress trees behind the Empress speak to the element of Death that is by its very nature contained within Life. 

The Empress Interpretation

When the Empress comes up in a reading, she carries with her many of the meanings associated with the Divine Mother. She is thought to be loving, caring, nurturing and gentle. 

In addition to the archetype of the Mother, the Empress also signifies the archetypal “lover” or “mistress.” Associated with the goddesses Venus and Aphrodite, she also represents love, romance, and beauty, as well as sexuality and passion. 

In a reading, she stands for an approach to life that is rooted more in Eros than in the Logos or wisdom we saw previously with the High Priestess. She represents full embodiment, being in touch with our feelings, and the appreciation of sensuality and the pleasure to be found in the physical world. 

She is a woman who appreciates and creates beauty, abundance and pleasure for herself and those around her. The Empress is a potent reminder that pleasure and love are among the highest motivating forces in the universe. 

This card is highly associated with the idea of creation, of using our imagination in conjunction with our desires to create new life, whether that be through the birth of a child or a new project, plan or idea. 

When we allow our hearts to guide us, we often find it is easier to create and produce something of value in a way that is truly generative and sustainable.

Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.


Venus Retrograde 2020

Today marks the beginning of Venus’s retrograde travel through Gemini. This air sign is all about communication, sharing information and getting to know the other through the life of the mind.

All retrogrades can usually be seen as an opportunity to pause and reflect on your experiences, to re-assess your normal way of operating and the world.

With Venus Retrograde, this means we can look to our past to inform how we’d like to act to create our future.

This particular Venus Rx happens to be a Venus Return for me, passing through the sign of Gemini in my 12th house. Mercury also happens to be here too, and the Sun is about to join them in Gemini in about a week.

Not surprisingly, given the global pandemic, I’m already in a situation that lends itself to lots of solitude and time alone. I fully intend to use it to take a closer look at some of my own patterns, especially those related to Identity, Love & Communication, and how they have manifested through my 12th house shadow side.

What are some patterns you can think of that influence the way you communicate in love? Are there things you may have left unsaid or hidden from those you love? (And you can include yourself here!)

This Venus Rx will last around 40 days, so start brainstorming some ideas that you may want to put into practice when Venus starts moving forward again on June 25.