Tag: akashic records

Releasing Projections, Reclaiming Possibilities

EleanorLeave a comment

Journal Date: Monday, November 9th, 2020

I think I’m going to find that the more I distance myself from my family and all of the false projections they have made me carry, the more I will find that I can do whatever I set my mind to.

And this is probably one of the most difficult and disturbing things I have been coming to terms with: my vast (and totally wasted) potential.

In the process of looking back on my life, I can see how much potential I’ve had for success, and how that has not (yet) been realized because of my emotional problems and mental health struggles.

And by lack of support from my family. The emotional abuse and trauma that I was left with is obviously a big factor.

But it goes beyond that. 

Some of it is self-sabotage. Believing I don’t deserve to be successful.

I’ve carried around this (barely conscious) belief that I shouldn’t succeed. Not just that I may not have what it takes but that it would actually be bad for me to have success in my life (that it would make me a very “selfish” person).

I think the reasoning has been something along the lines of: “There are so many people suffering in the world. Who am I to sit here and be happy when others are experiencing so much injustice and pain? If I am happy, then I will have forsaken all of those who need help. If I am happy, I will be completely selfish and insensitive. Therefore, I can’t be successful or happy. I have to suffer in solidarity with everyone else. That is the only way I can create change in the world. I don’t want to be a BAD person, right?”

Hm. Yeah. I think there’s a lot that needs to be unpacked and understood about that. Because I don’t think it’s wise to just take it at face value. I think there’s a lot more going on there than I have really wanted to admit.

This is the major issue that came up for me when I had the short Akashic Records Reading with Leah Garza. 

She told me that I do want to help others and be in service to the collective, but I’m going about it the wrong way, with the wrong motivations.

She said that I’m holding on to this belief that “if I’m doing it just for me, it is self centered.” She also added that it’s not healthy if I’m approaching my work from a need to sacrifice to gain others approval.

I was surprised when I heard that. A little defensive for a second (because her words touched a nerve), but I quickly realized how true her words were.

That is what I’ve been trying to do here.

In some ways, my desire to devote myself to healing other people has been rooted in a need to continue avoiding my own life.

I don’t want to pay attention to my own happiness.

It’s actually kind of terrifying for me. 

For one, what if I try and I fail? What if I’m the problem, and I’m just fundamentally incapable of being happy?

What if I went through all of this, only to find out there’s nothing even there for me on the other side?

There’s also what I just mentioned about feeling selfish.         

And then there’s another thing that’s even more complicated: What if I do achieve success and happiness at some point, only to find out I suffer even more for it?

Leah said that I fear that if I break from the norm, I will draw attention to myself, which could ultimately lead to violence.

Yes. That’s exactly it, and I think a deeper-rooted, more primal and unconscious fear than the other two I have mentioned.

She said that I have such a strong fear around this, that I fear I will actually die if this happens.

It’s true. It’s really that bad.

It’s kind of hard to understand.

Something that helps me to gain a little more insight into why this might be has to do with some possible past life stuff…

I’ve been very skeptical about this kind of thing, and I’m still not 100% sure what to really do with it.

I don’t need to come to any final conclusion about it yet, though. I can just start by sharing what my experience around this has been.                                                                                          

Akashic Records Reading

EleanorLeave a comment

Journal Date: October 29, 2020

Today I had a phone consultation with Leah Garza of Crystals of Altamira for an Akashic Records reading. 

My question to Leah was, “How can I heal after a lifetime of trauma? Is it even possible for me?”

Here is what she told me according to what she saw in the Akashic Records.

She told me that I have indeed had a difficult life, but it was the exact right situation for me to understand my power. There was an intentional reason for what I have experienced in this life, and knowing this and shifting my perspective toward it can change how I relate to it.

Leah told me that in some way, I am always on the path. I am never not heading toward my destiny. What I can do is to focus on coming into greater resonance and alignment. 

She said that it’s true, I am meant to be a healer and to be of service to others in this life. That is my path, but I am going about it the wrong way. 

The way that I have been approaching it has been with the attitude that, “If I’m doing it just for me, then it’s self-centered and selfish.” 

I have been trying to help others from a self-sacrificial, even codependent stance. Being of service with “please accept me” as the hidden, underlying motive is the wrong way to go about this.

I understand exactly what she means by this. I grew up with these ideas crushed into my psyche through intense shame, punishment, violence and rejection. The only way that I could be “good” and worthy of existence was if I disregarded my own needs entirely and focused exclusively on meeting the needs of others. Then, if their needs were met, I might someday be rewarded with whatever was left.

What I needed to do  was “put pleasure first. You can be of service, but it should be from a place where it fills you up,” she said. “You should be asking yourself, ‘How can I give myself permission to enjoy life? Choose pleasure, all the time. You have the right. Just claim it.”

Leah said I had to be willing to turn my back on societal pressures to be endlessly self-sacrificing in order to live up to their ideas of what a “good” woman was.

“There is this fear that you have that, in breaking from the norm, you’ll draw attention to yourself, and it could lead to violence.”

I know that this is true, especially in what I believe may have happened in some of my past lives.

“You should sit with this question: ‘How can I love and accept myself if I’m cast out? If I’m not accepted?

“If you entertain this thought, it doesn’t mean that it will happen. Just consider it.

“Meet your body where it’s at. Ask yourself, “If this happens, how can I be okay with that?”

With that, she finished with the guidance the records had for me on what I had asked. But she told me my guides had another message for me: 

“You need to make art. You are an artist.You need to make and build for yourself, not for anyone else’s consumption. You can think about sharing with others later, but create first.”

It was something I had not really considered before. I had always wanted to be a writer, and had always felt I had a poetic sensibility and approach to life. 

But there I think there was something in me that felt it was selfish to pursue that. I had always been so focused on meeting the needs of others that that thought of creating for myself first had seemed impossible. 

Now I’m starting to consider that there is, in fact, an inherent value in what I create and do for myself that is intrinsic and needs not involve anyone else. 

And perhaps they are not mutually exclusive. Maybe through my work people will be able to find some of the healing that I have worked so hard to cultivate for myself.

Introduction to Inner Visions: Part Two

Eleanor1 Comment

Later in the day, I received an audio recording from my reiki healer, containing a summary of what she had seen while working with my energy. She had explained that she typically consults the Akashic records and my spirit guides, as well as other entities such as archangels or the divine mother, while working with my energy.

Angelic started with a brief description of how my aura/energy body appeared to her during the session. 

She said that my heart chakra was“pristine”, appearing completely clear and without any blocks. To her this meant that one of my gifts is claircognizance and clairsentience, which can appear as a sudden and clear inner knowing.  In fact, one of the most important next steps for me is learning to trust more in myself and this inner knowing.

There seemed to be noticeable blockage and stagnation in the upper part of my aura, lots of head congestion, likely due to overthinking. My third eye and crown chakra appeared quite blocked due to relying too much on logical/analytical thought processes, all of which was rooted in fear and attempts to try and figure things out.

“Above all, your spirit guides say that you need to trust yourself. Coming into your own is the next big step.

During the session, she had also consulted with Archangel Michael, keeper of the Akashic Records.

“Archangel Michael was very gentle with you. That’s the only way I know how to put it. You’ve had some very trying past lives, during which you have faced a lot of adversity. You’ve spent many lifetimes persecuted for something you didn’t do, punished for crimes you didn’t commit.” 

She reiterated again how gentle and compassionate Archangel Michael had approached her when speaking of me (which apparently is not the norm). “You need to know this: you are strong.”

In contrast to other sessions I would later have with her, Angelic spent the majority of this reading/recording sharing the very broad view of me and my soul and my purpose which she had been given then by Archangel Michael: 

“Your dominant energy is peace. This is why you incarnated: you came to embody peace. You came to practice acceptance: letting things flow in and out. Learning to choose your battles wisely. Let people walk in and out of your life. 

“Acceptance is non-struggle. Flow with the current of life and not against it. When you master this, you will experience incredible natural blessings, synchronicities, and joy in your life.

“The things that you are searching for, Eleanor, they are searching for you.  The only way to receive them is to not resist how they come about.

“Just be. Don’t hold onto things. It accelerates your blessings. You’re being blessed for balancing out the karma.

“Your life path is one of service– the path of release and forgiveness. 

“You definitely have the path of a spiritual teacher, a very unique path. It is not just any spiritual path though–some are called to work with certain specific energies, and of all the energy of the divine feminine, you resonate strongly with crone energy.

“Many in this age are drawn to the spiritual path to be “lightworkers” – but not you. You are instead here to serve as a “shadow worker.” 

“You have the capacity to deal with the darker sides of life, to do shadow work and work with the subconscious mind. You can handle the taboo, the guilt, and the shame that lies within others. 

“You can hold this space for other people, you can help save them. You can allow them to forgive, to release, to transition. 

“This is your lesson: surrender is the greatest form of blessing. You recognize that you and the divine are one. Every time you surrender to a higher power an even greater outcome happens.

“People on this path are training to be spiritual teachers. You already are, in this lifetime, but you are preparing for the next incarnation, as well.”

“Your next right step: to become. Step into your role as a teacher. Embody your truths. Trust yourself. Become by un-becoming previous notions and conditions.

“This stage of your life is very phoenix-like. You are shaking off old beliefs–now you are undoing. This undoing is your becoming. You are stepping into your own truth, your authenticity, your own power.”

“Your power isn’t over others, it isn’t manifested in a way that is forceful or against, it is a knowing, a remembering, of who you are. Your life path is very transformative, you are very much like a phoenix.

She said that my guides had words for her which she initially thought a bit strange or unusual. They had said: “The process of undoing is a death and the process of becoming is a birth. Only the wisest walk this.”

She summarized by reminding me that I have strong crone energy; my purpose will involve some kind of shadow work; and I can serve by being a kind of midwife, or perhaps a death doula. 

Either way, I am meant to be a guide for others in their own processes of birth, death, and transformation.

Her final words had to do with what was to come next for me. There were difficult times ahead, but I would do well to have faith. 

“Fear not the truth. Lies will be coming to the surface. Don’t be afraid to face it, to demand the truth, to accept what really is: it is the very thing that is going to free you. 

“Prepare for the shifts by being willing to let go. Don’t fear the current. You came here to do transformative work, not just on a personal level, but on a collective level as well.

Hearing these words, I was stunned. I had never met or spoken with Angelic before, but she seemed to recognize the deepest part of my core identity, to see the needs and dreams and directions of my soul in this short time we had together.

I have kept these words in mind in the days that followed. It can be hard to stay focused at times, but when I begin to feel lost I come back to this, and find strength in remembering the truth of who I am.