I forget exactly what prompted my first inquiry into my past lives, but I think I was reading something about energy healing and how some of the traumas of a past life may carry over into the next one.
I was skeptical, but curious, and I remember thinking, “Hm… If I’d had a past life like this, I wonder what it would have been like?”
And immediately, an image flashed into my awareness.
I saw “past me,” at the moment when I knew I would not be able to escape and where I knew I was going to die.
The woman I saw looked kind of similar to the way I do now, but there were some subtle differences.
She had black hair, blue eyes, an attractive face. She was shorter than I am, had a fuller body type, and was wearing an expensive looking dress, which seemed to be in a late medieval/early renaissance style. I had the feeling that I was deeply involved in spiritual or religious life or was somehow involved with the church.
In the brief image that I had access to then, I saw myself underground, in a dimly lit stone tunnel or passageway.
I was running from people who wanted to trap me and hurt me. I tried to see more into the reasons why. All I got was the feeling that it was motivated by hatred, by envy or jealousy. There seemed to be people who were upset at how well-liked I was, or how “good” I may have appeared in the eyes of others, or even my success or esteem in a certain area.
There was also a man involved who seemed to be older than me, but I couldn’t really determine what his role was or the nature of his relationship to me. I just knew he had something to do with the situation I found myself in at the moment I saw myself in that brief vision.
I wasn’t able to see any more then, but very soon after, I had an intuition that this was related to a couple of things corresponding to my natal chart.
The first was the three planets I have in the twelfth house: Mercury, Venus and Jupiter. This may be why I have felt compelled to hide so much of what I feel are the good things about myself.
This could very well be where my shyness and insecurity around my intelligence (Mercury), issues surrounding my perceived beauty and value and shame about being a woman (Venus), and my lack of belief in a right to expand, grow, take up space and achieve success (Jupiter) come from.
The last thing that appeared related to this scene was my placement of Saturn on the Descendent/7th house cusp.
This can mean restrictions in how you relate to or access the outside world, as well as how you interact with and have relationships with others.
I’m not sure exactly how this past life influenced these placements in my chart, but I very much had the feeling that the two were connected.
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[…] first insight into my past lives happened several months ago, and I didn’t think much about it after […]