Earlier this week I was reading more about alchemy in my new book, “The Emerald Tablet.” I learned about the concept of the rejected stone, or what manifests from the parts of ourselves we have not accepted and integrated. It comes from the persistance of what we keep in the shadows, unwilling to recognize and transmute.

So I said, in my mind, “I want to see my shadow. I want to know what I’m hiding from myself, so that I can work with it, and stop the cycle of manifestation into my life.” I didn’t really expect much of an answer; it was more of like, “I’ll put that on my to-do list for later.”

But I did get an answer. I entered the field of Hermes, I know that for sure. I was shown a lot of things that made me uncomfortable. That I didn’t want to accept. That even still, I tried to deny, or justify, or rationalize.

I knew that I was in the presence of Hermes, because of the play of language that was fighting it’s self in my mind.

One of my attempted justifications was, “Well, you didn’t know better. It’s understandable that you would act that way based on your past experiences & what you’ve been taught.”

Then I heard myself answer, “Okay well you are an adult now, and every day you have the choice to do differently. You don’t have to live as an extension of your past; you have a responsibility to do better now.”

I attempted to deny those words, too, but I couldn’t: they were the same things I had just said the day before about my parents. I could acknowledge that, yes, it would make sense for them to act as they did & do, but that’s never an excuse.

“Music is the space between the notes.”

Claude Debussy

So I kept going. I kept seeing. I kept accepting. I kept staying in that space between understanding and questioning. Of accepting and knowing I could do better. This space in between in where the magic is.

I’m working on staying grounded in this liminal space. At the border between two truths, between the inner and the outer, at the crossroads of above and below, the masculine and the feminine, of my light and my own darkness. To look both ways as I leap into this infinite void, the place of all possibility and of true presence.

It’s an ever-changing dance, a beautiful and delicate stepping into the future, a jump divinely inspired and grounded in truth.

Step by step, I’m here, and I’m ready for whatever may come.

Venus Retrograde 2020

Today marks the beginning of Venus’s retrograde travel through Gemini. This air sign is all about communication, sharing information and getting to know the other through the life of the mind.

All retrogrades can usually be seen as an opportunity to pause and reflect on your experiences, to re-assess your normal way of operating and the world.

With Venus Retrograde, this means we can look to our past to inform how we’d like to act to create our future.

This particular Venus Rx happens to be a Venus Return for me, passing through the sign of Gemini in my 12th house. Mercury also happens to be here too, and the Sun is about to join them in Gemini in about a week.

Not surprisingly, given the global pandemic, I’m already in a situation that lends itself to lots of solitude and time alone. I fully intend to use it to take a closer look at some of my own patterns, especially those related to Identity, Love & Communication, and how they have manifested through my 12th house shadow side.

What are some patterns you can think of that influence the way you communicate in love? Are there things you may have left unsaid or hidden from those you love? (And you can include yourself here!)

This Venus Rx will last around 40 days, so start brainstorming some ideas that you may want to put into practice when Venus starts moving forward again on June 25.